Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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