and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
farters have to be the big spoon...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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