I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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