i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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