Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
