We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
