i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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