we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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