Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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