Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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