every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
