Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
