Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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