just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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