Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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