Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
