You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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