Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
