Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
