So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
