Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize