I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
