john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I checked into jail on foursquare
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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