so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
