I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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