i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
