I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
