he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
