I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize