how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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