Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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