Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
