I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
