Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
