i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My Higher Power is John Stamos
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
