I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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