you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
