Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Found the puke drawer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
