End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
