if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
