Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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