If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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