Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
