good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
