I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
