So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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