So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
