i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
