just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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