is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize