I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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