Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
