I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
