when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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