I just pynch a tree in the face
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
