In the future we'll all be gay
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
