I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
