So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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