If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
