Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How does it feel to date your dad?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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