i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
