me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
