3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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