what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
