3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize