You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
