I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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