2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
