He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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