I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
