ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
