Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have fence marks all over my body
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
