Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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