his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
