Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
