keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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