I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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