how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
