I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
