it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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