There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
