You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
