how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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