Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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