I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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