i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
