When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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