I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
