dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
