That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
