if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
