You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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