I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
