We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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