You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
