ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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