just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
