I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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