What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
