This girl is more easily done than said...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
