I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
