Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
